92 Silly eBay Handles

. . . Truly, the task of choosing an online name presents some computer users with too many possibilities. These names have been collected over many years of eBay surfing. This list is not an endorsement of eBay or of anyone on eBay. I just think they're funny names.


Can't Think of a Name
1. blankplastickeyrings
2. computer*says*no
3. donotchangeuserid
4. fed_up_with_chosing_an_id
5. i_have_a_really_long_nickname
6. knotminame
7. namewithoutnumbers
8. needtoner
9. no-one-in-particular
10. notacleverusername
11. soundslikethis
12. userkeptprivate
13. usethisnameplease

Horrid Puns
14. brideofgoopenstein
15. gnomeplacelikehome
16. oddsandendtiques
17. perryphernalia
18. refried.jeans
19. robs-your-uncle
20. ultimatoauctions
21. youth_in_asia

Addicted to Shopping
22. allthetimeonline
23. deepinhock
24. dontoverbiditsmine
25. ebaayismylife
26. emptyshoppingbag
27. fatauctionfreaks
28. gonnagobroke
29. idontneedsthis
30. iwantcandy2
31. iwantyouretrash
32. missjunkaholic
33. shopaholic-mom
34. sir_snipes_alot
35. spoiling_my_children
36. theguywhopaystoomuchjusttowin
37. 30pairsofflipflopsandcounting

Silly Rhymes
38. blingblingkingd
39. cleanbeanqueen
40. funky-retro-monkey
41. mamamiaitsmaria
42. mr_spoon_on_the_moon
43. mydelectable-collectables
44. oohaahpinkguitar
45. slurpeeherpee
46. wizardofgizzard

I Love My Pet
47. frodothecyberdog
48. fussygerbil
49. ineedadog
50. muffythebarkingdog
51. thingsthatsqueak
52. 3blueyeddashounds

Cheeky Devil
53. dead.peoples.stuff
54. givemechocolate
55. hellcatlouise
56. im_going_to_live_forever
57. not2old2boogie
58. queenofmostthings
59. ratherbeonthelake!
60. shutupdonnie
61. someonesmellsfunky
62. thebutlerdidit!
63. wopbopaloobopalopbamboom

My Stuff is the Best
64. auctions-under-two-dollars
65. buy-it-now-it-bargain-time!
66. got2bid2buy
67. oooh!babyiamworthit!

Doctor Who and Monty Python Fans
68. artur2sheds
69. boxtardis
70. dalek10
71. davros61
72. doctor221
73. the-black-knigget
74. whopunk

Buyer is Insane
75. brain.e.ak
76. braineatingmaniac
77. cross-out-the-eyes
78. das_monster_unter_deinem_bett (German: the monster under your bed)
79. freakshowof1
80. geniessss
81. jackseviltwin-edtheripper
82. kwaazycat
83. madwhacker
84. mistress_murder
85. newratik_of_the_banana_republic
86. psycho666insane
87. thedonnerparty

Amusing Seller Names on Amazon
88. burnt_biscuit_books
89. myfavoriatebook
90. qualitybooks_fastshipping_satisfactiongurantee
91. student_who_doesnt_want_these_books_anymore
92. weresorrybutanothercustomerisalreadyusingyournickname

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Come on down to TomFolio and escape the rat's nest

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10 Reasons why Shopping at TomFolio.com is Better than Shopping at Amazon

. . . I am speaking to those on the internet who are looking for reputable used bookdealers. Those of you who are looking for a place to purchase groceries, stuffed animals, auto parts or such, this list is not for you.

1. TomFolio.com is The Bookstore at the Center of the Universe. It is owned and operated by a cooperative of independent bookdealers (click here for more on our history) and has remained true to its goal to be a simple website where booklovers and bookdealers can come together and conduct business the old fashioned way.

2. Talk to a real person before you buy. Our dealers may be contacted by phone, email, or even snail mail. No need to go through a third party to get your questions answered.

3. Dedicated to books. TomFolio.com is for used books, periodicals, paper ephemera and related media. That's what we know and love. We do not sell washing machines, car insurance, scented candles or anything like that.

4. No gimmicks. Just good old-fashioned bookselling.

5. Serious specialists. Many of our dealers are experts in their fields. Pick their brains!

6. Less expensive books. Amazon charges its bookdealers commissions, monthly fees, variable closing fees, etc., and many of their vendors raise their prices on that site to compensate. Often you can find the same book listed at TomFolio.com for a much lower price.

7. Independence. Because TomFolio.com is dealer owned and operated, you always know who you're dealing with. We are not subject to mergers, buyouts, or corporate shenanigans. If you are one of the growing number of consumers who are committed to buying from independent stores and mom-and-pop shops, TomFolio.com is the place for you.

8. No stock photos. Amazon displays images of books which may be new or used, top condition or poor condition, and may even show a different edition than what is listed for sale. TomFolio.com does not allow stock photos so you know exactly what you're getting before you buy.

9. No fake books; no mega-listers. Some so-called bookdealers list thousands, even millions of titles but have no actual books in stock. After you order, they scramble to find something to ship to you. Sometimes you get what you ordered, sometimes you get something different, and sometimes you don't get anything at all (click here for more information on mega-listers). We at TomFolio.com believe this is fraud. We do not allow fake books or mega-listers on our site.

10. High ethical standards. If you run into an unscrupulous dealer on Amazon, there is, of course, a system in place there through which you can get a refund. We here at TomFolio.com go one better: we thoroughly screen applicants before they're allowed to join. All our dealers guarantee 100% customer satisfaction and stand by it every day. We have a complaint rate so small it is hardly measurable.

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Browse the Author Biographies at TomFolio.com

Browse the Wonderous Category System at TomFolio.com

Help a starving bookdealer

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104 Ridiculous Condition Grades Invented by Amateur Booksellers

. . . There are standard terms for describing the condition of used books, dust jackets, and other paper ephemera, and then there are these. These are not standard terms. They are just some of the hundreds of ridiculous terms invented by hapless amateurs selling used books on amazon, ebay, and other giant websites. I have collected a countless assortment of these and selected just 104 of the worst. They are grouped below according to what I think they are supposed to mean. My comments are in [brackets].

Correct Term: As New

Incorrect Terms:

1. New++
[You simply cannot qualify "new" with plus signs.]

2. New - Unsold

3. New & Unread

4. Factory New
[Yes, books are manufactured, but we call the place a printer or a bindery, not a factory, thank you very much.]

5. Mint
[Books are not minted. Metal objects, like coins and toy cars, are minted.]

6. Pristine

7. Perfect

8. Can't be in better shape

9. Gift quality

10. Same-as-new

11. Excellent

12. Exceptional

13. Brand Spanking New
[Ooooh, baby!]

14. Flawless

15. Absolutely Georgous

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Correct Term: Fine

Incorrect Terms:

16. Fine++

17. Fine+

18. Fine-
[If it's not Fine, don't say it's Fine. The minus mark is not helping.]

19. Near New

20. About Like New

21. Near As New

22. Near Like New

23. Virtually As New

24. Great-Close to New-Condition
[Please learn the difference between a dash and a hyphen.]

25. Never Used Almost New

26. Very Good Fine

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Correct Term: Near Fine

Incorrect Terms:

27. Near Fine+++

28. Very Near Fine

29. Near Very Fine

30. Close to Fine

31. Almost Fine

32. About Fine

33. Just About Fine

34. Almost Near Fine

35. Nearly Fine

36. Slightly Better than Very Good

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Correct Term: Very Good

Incorrect Terms:

37. Very Good Almost Like New

38. Over All Very Good++++ or Excellent Condition
[Don't even talk to me until you stop using more than one plus sign.]

39. Very Good+++
[See above.]

40. Near Very Good

41. Very good gently enjoyed

42. Very Good condition for being all paper and old

43. Certainly not bad

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Correct Term: Good

Incorrect Terms:

44. Good Solid Copy

45. Good or Better Condition

46. Good+++
[What did I say about using too many plus signs?]

47. Good and Used

48. Perfectly usable

49. Much Better than Good

50. Pretty Good

51. About Good

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Correct Term: Fair

Incorrect Terms:

52. Fair+
["Fair Plus" is Good. If it's not Good, grade it Fair.]

53. Fair-
["Fair Minus" is Poor. End of story.]

54. Fair Copy

55. Fairly Good

56. Old and beat up
[I kind of like this one. It's honest.]

57. Completely Readable

58. Reasonable Condition

59. Not in Bad Shape

60. Survived Well
[Wait a minute. Survived what, exactly?]

61. Very Acceptable

62. Acceptable+

63. Average+
[For Pete's sake, stop adding pluses to words that can't be qualified!]

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Correct Term: Reading Copy

Incorrect Terms:

64. Excellent reading copy
[Oxymoron.]

65. Near Fine reading copy

66. Very Good reading copy

67. Good Solid reading copy

68. Great reading copy

69. Research Copy

70. Reader copy

71. Very loved

72. Used - less than standard

73. Usable

74. An OK Copy

75. Child’s copy

76. Bathtub copy
[One of my favorites. Really gets the point across.]

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Correct Term: Poor

Incorrect Terms:

77. Poor+++
[How many pluses till it gets up to "Fair?"]

78. Poor++

79. Poor+

80. Very Poor

81. Very Poor-
[Hell's, bells, just throw it out.] [I mean recycle it.]

82. Near Poor

83. Extremely Poor

84. Not in the Best of Condition

85. Not That Good

86. Rough

87. Very rough

88. Incomplete

89. Marginal

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Finally, a short list of amusing condition descriptions that make the book sound really great but don’t really indicate its actual condition:

90. Museum Quality

91. Display Quality

92. Hand Picked with Care

93. Never Been Read

94. Read Once Condition

95. Gently Used

96. Ultra Clean

97. Super Clean

98. Whistle Clean
[Seriously, you can say it's clean, but is it sunned, bumped, torn, water damaged, missing pages? Tell me something about the condition of the book!]

99. Clean Usable Book

100. Nice Book

101. Very Nice for its Age
[Unfortunately "for its age" is a very commonly used but completely incorrect qualifier. Old books don't get special dispensation for being old. Grade them the same way you would grade any other used book.]

102. Very Nice Clean Copy

103. Decent+
[A qualifier on "Decent?" ROFL!]

104. Very God
[Might be the cutest typo I've spotted yet.]

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Please browse my bookstore http://www.gwenfoss.com/

And visit my reputable colleagues http://www.tomfolio.com/

Or check out my collection of Authors with Apt Names for their Books http://tomfolio.pbworks.com/AuthorAptronyms

END

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70 Idiotic Used-Book Descriptions found on Amazon and Other Portals

. . . I sell used books online through several separate websites. Sometimes customers find me via Amazon, where I function as one of their "third-party" vendors. Amazon's encouragement to amateurs to become used books sellers may sound noble but some of the used books being offered online are truly horrific, to put it politely. Most of these descriptive gems were found on Amazon, but a few are from eBay or other venues.

One should be aware: Most professional used book dealers employ standard grading terms and definitions. In order from best to worst, and with an equivalent number grade on a scale of 10 to 1, these terms are:

• 10. As New
• 9. Fine
• 8. Near Fine
• 7. Very Good
• 6. Good
• 5. Fair or "reading copy"
• 4. Poor
• 3. (anything lower than a 4, just get rid of it)

Any book that is so damaged that it cannot be graded as at least "Poor" should be tossed or its parts recycled. Such books include: books with missing text pages, moldy or encrusted books, books with stains that make pages unreadable, books with pages stuck together due to water damage, etc.

Amateur sellers, in most cases, do not bother to learn these terms and so make up their own. For example, they often use "Fine" on a book with so many flaws it should be graded as "Poor." Makes me wonder how they could even read a book without having any brains.

An assortment from my never-to-be-complete collection of these creative names for condition grades, in approximate order of quality, will be given here soon.

Thanks to bookdealers Norman Riger, Joseph Oprisch, Andy Gutterman, and probably others, for collecting and sharing some of these outlandish terms and descriptions.

[My comments are in brackets.]


Turns a Flaw into a Feature

1. "This book would be trash if it weren't for all the interesting pictures."

2. "90% of pages are clean and unmarked."
[Meaning 10% of the book is completely ruined.]

3. "Book has underlining & comments in pencil for quicker & more interesting read."

4. "A good reading copy with critical areas already noted by previous owner."

5. "Jacket a little grubby but easily removed!!"
[Seller a little stupid but easily ignored!]

6. "The paper has that lovely yellowing color of old books."

7. "Dust jacket is made from pieces of dust jacket pasted to color stock -- looks good."

8. "The book contains soft easily handled paper."
[Translation: book was dropped in a puddle.]

9. "The boards and spine are well-preserved, and there is a light, musty odor."

10. "Somebody else read this book. If you need it, it will be there for you."


Completely Contradictory Conditions

11. "Very Good+; New. A bit shop worn. Gift quality."
[Four different condition grades in one book. It's magic!]

12. "Highlighting and notes in the margin make this very clean book YOUR bargain!"

13. "Extensive marking in the first part of the book. Prior owner's address label on front fly page. Otherwise LIKE NEW."

14. "Very good condition WONDERFUL CONDITION. A few 'excellent notes & important highlights' inside (for those of you pressed for time while doing research....) Book is in SUPERB condition//book was babied--looks like a 'brand new paperback.'"

15. "1978 First Edition Hard Cover Book Club Edition."

16. "Unknown Binding. Clean ex-library in reinforced binding. Trade paperback."
[The seller thus invokes all three of Amazon's binding types: hardcover, paperback, and "unknown"]

17. "Textbook is in mint condition with mild highlighting"

18. "Might have damage to the cover/binding but goodness Certainly intact."
[Goodness certainly you've never touched or examined this book.]

19. "Excellent Condition! Small bite in corner! (from my puppy)"

20. "Fine. Smudges & scuff marks. Some outside wear. Been in smoking environment."

21. "Penguin Putnam, children’s HC Paperback, Used - Good, Grosset, 1972, Hardcover."

22. "MINT condition with absolutely NO flaws except some pages loose from binding -- SUPER FAST shipper!"

23. "A couple of Kool-Aid stains and lite ware otherwise Very Fine++. I can't find the dustjacket."


Scrupulously Honest or Just Unintentionally Humorous?

24. "Not pretty but totally functional."

25. "Horrible copy strictly for the desperate."

26. "An extremely worn-out copy that has seen its last gasp."

27. "Book cover has issues, wants to separate from book."
[Book psychology 101]

28. "Book in very poor condition. There is no cover, and there are tears on the front and back pages. The binding still holds the book together, but does not look good cosmetically. Find this book a home at just 75 cents!"

29. "Not a perfect copy but indubitably a signed first edition."

30. "The finest copy in the world. Must have belonged to some kid that hated to read and never did."

31. "A bit doggy, but acceptable."

32. "Good minus, almost poor, guaranteed to be complete. Very weak at hinges, covers very stained. Pages wavy. Appears to be cloth covers but may be boards. Paste-on title. Wavy pages. If you can find another copy get it."


What the Heck Is It?

33. "Assume book is in good or better condition unless otherwise stated."

34. "Nth printing F/- uvo."

35. "Used-Like New Hardcover ART - CH-904--2029 Picture shown may not match actual book."

36. "Book is slightly whoppered."

37. "Clean with light shelf wear, top front & back descretely closed shelf wear tear and pressure point."

38. "Pretty good condition for the condition it's in."

39. "Good condition. It is a paperback!!!!!!!!!!"
[Translation: book has already been purchased and returned twice by two different buyers who expected a hardcover]

40. "I have been collecting books and music for over 35 years and have amassed an enormous collection. I do not subscribe to 'grading' as it is so subjective and most of the 'graders' truly have no clue! Therefore I'll simply describe things in normal English!"

41. "Other vendors charge $15.00 and up, but our copy is only $6.99! That's less than half price!"

42. "V.G. or better - email for details. Binding is 191."

43. "Book in condition, dust jacket."

44. "The hardcover is near LIKE NEAR."

45. "DJ IS NICELY PRESERVED IN A BRA."
[No comment.]

46. "This is a romance novel. Fourteen years ago which Hubert Silvis first novel last winter brought raclette appeared Allison Ginsburg said it exploded like a rusty hellish bombshell over America. Sell these new novel goes even further and the gutwrenching story of two young man and a beautiful woman is desperate dreams take on a horrifying dimension. Copyrighted his paperback book in fair to good condition's 1978."

47. "Back of DJ was hevily scravished at edges."
[I kind of like this new word, scravished. Lewis Carroll must be selling this one.]


Just an Overpriced Wreck

48. "About like new except it's mildewed for about an inch in from the edge of every page and also for an inch or two in from the edge on the front and rear."

49. "Bottom half of the book looks like it sat in coffee on the edge of the book but really is in new condition never read!"

50. "Whart a scarce find! I found one, and cut the price. The corners are bumped. But there is no writings, names, marring, etc. Stored very well. You won’t be sorry, I guarantee you that."

51. "Slight mold infestation but overall a great reading copy."


Seller is Insane

52. "Pages 1, 2, 7, 8, 9, 10, 17-38, 42-44, 48-52, 56-58, 70-72 are missing, but everything else is perfect."
[Plonk! The sound of my jaw hitting the floor.]

53. "Hello! This book is in very good condition. There are minor scuff marks and creases on the cover. There is some writing in the book. Thanks for looking!"
[Hello! This is not a chat room!]

54. "You will not be disappointed in this book. It is a FIRST EDITION! Originally published in 1988 by (name deleted), working in cooperation with the Air Force Historical Foundation. This special Reprint Edition was published in March 2000 by (name deleted)."
[I could post a hundred examples of sellers who are clueless about first edition identification.]

55. [List of keywords found on a description of Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea]: "childrens junvenile fiction non-fiction sports military sex science math cooking classics rare"

56. "VG slight dj wear, fast I am not sure if this is the correct file format. I just got started on (website name deleted) yesterday. Thanks."

57. "THE BOOK HAS VG KARMA AT A COMPETITIVE PRICE. I AM A VERY RELIABLE SELLER."
[Hey, all my books have Very Good+++ karma, so there!]


It's All in the Details

58. "Printed in Germany: NY: Locust Valley."

59. "May have a small tear and remember mark."

60. "No sun no damp no ink."

61. "No dust marks throughout."

62. "Dustjacket has a small sip on one corner."

63. [Found on description of book supposedly printed in 1539]: "The book is considered one which was printed before actual printing was invented."

64. Published by "Charles Scrinber And Sons"

65. Published by "Charles Scibner’s Sons"

66. Published by "Batman Books"
[Bantam Books, presumably. It's sad to see booksellers who can't type or spell or construct complete sentences or use correct syntax or link two words together.]

67. "We Ship Anywhere! Absolutely no shipping to prisons!!"

68. Seller located in "Louisvile" Kentucky

69. Seller "has severed thousands of customers accross the world."

70. "dippy book plate"
[I had a mighty struggle with myself to not order this one just to see how dippy the bookplate was]

END

Please visit my bookstore http://www.gwenfoss.com/

Or search the inventories of my reputable colleagues at http://www.tomfolio.com/

Thanks!

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