What Pizza Restaurant Employees Really Call their Customers, and Two Pizza Jokes

Excerpted from Domino’s Pizza Jargon

by Gwen Foss, 1992

First published in Maledicta, The International Journal of Verbal Aggression, Volume 12, 1996

The entire article can be read by ordering a back issue here:

http://www.sonic.net/maledicta/pricelist_order.html

address cheater. customer who gives the wrong address, so that the driver can’t find the house. This is usually an attempt to receive a discount or free pizza.

con artist. customer who, for example, gives the driver a twenty-dollar bill for a twelve-dollar order and says, “Just give me a ten; you can keep the rest.”

dark-house. customer who has no lights on and no numbers on the house, which makes it difficult for the driver to find the customer.

invisible customer. one who does not answer his phone or open the door when the driver arrives. This is usually an attempt to receive a discount or free pizza.

liar. customer who tells the driver that the store quoted a lower price.

placer. customer who places a hair on the pizza and then complains about it.

prankster. someone who calls in a false order.

rookie. customer who tries to order food that is not on the menu.

scammer. customer who tries to cheat the restaurant’s employees.

starver. customer who orders a pizza, then tells the driver she didn’t order it but will buy it for a discount.

stoner. customer who doesn’t know his own address or location.

tightwad. customer who does not tip.

And now, the world’s worst two pizza jokes:

1. What do you get if you sit on a pizza?

A pizza ass!

2. Knock, knock.

-- Who’s there?

Eisenhower.

-- Eisenhower who?

I’s an hour late, so your pizza is free!