9 Stupid Customer Stories

. . . Sent in by your cheerful, anonymous used-book dealers from around the world.


1. Customer ordered via Amazon. Spelled his own last name two different ways. Gave the wrong city in his address. Gave the wrong phone number. Title of book ordered: The Story of Stupidity.

2. I was in a friend's bookshop one day when a customer came in and asked for a specific title, which was available, brand new, for £3 or some such. The customer exuded great delight and said he had been looking for that book for years, but that he would buy it next time round.

3. From the chief of sales at a music publishing company: "I had a customer once who wanted some flute parts, but wasn't sure to what. So she suggested that I read off our entire catalog one at a time for her to then decide if she wanted that title or not. I was flabbergasted and responded that we had over 10,000 titles."

4. Customer wrote to say, "So far I have not received the book. I guess it is still within 14 day window. But it ranks as one of the slower shipments from an Amazon bookseller. I bought a book last Thursday night that was shipped on Friday. I got the book on Tuesday from Florida." Oh, by the way, the book he ordered was Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life. I hope it helps.

5. Customer ordered a book, received it, returned it and said it was "the wrong book." This customer had all the following initials after his name, which he put on his order form: M.S., Ph.D., M.P.H., M.A., M.S.B.S. The book he ordered by mistake: Scientific Blunders: A Brief History of How Wrong Scientists Can Sometimes Be.

6. Customer in India, ordered the book to be sent from the US by Economy Rate Shipping (via the slow boat, known to take from 1 to 3 months or longer). After seven days, he emailed anxiously: "I ordered my book on 9/7. When is my book due to arrive?????????" Title ordered: Behavior Modification: What It Is and How to Do It. Think he needs that book?

7. Dealer joked: "We are thinking about putting in a link to Literacy Volunteers for those people who seem to be unable to read our data entries. The latest example is 'a 1/2" x 2" light brown stain on the front free endpaper.' The question is, 'How large is the stain?'"

8. I had a field guide to butterflies returned because the customer complained the pictures were too small. Only problem, all the butterflies were pictured life-size.

9. Customer on Amazon, left 2 out of 5 feedback for the dealer, saying, "My order was for a hard cover I received a soft cover." The dealer replied: "You may still return an item for any reason to [address deleted]. This buyer did neither, and wants both the book and the refund. It is somewhat entertaining, as the book's subject is 'forgiveness.'"

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