44 Rude Names for Hummers

. . . collected from friends, enemies, and various sources.

According to Keith Bradsher, author of High and Mighty: SUVs: The World's Most Dangerous Vehicles and How They Got That Way, one in every six new vehicles sold in the US in 2002 was a Sport Utility Vehicle.

Of course there are rude names for all sorts of cars, but the Humvee, being the biggest, ugliest, most gas-guzzling SUV on the road, is of necessity singled out for special attention. (Please contact me if I have left any really funny, really rude names off this list, thanks!)

The Droll Names

1. bummer
2. dummer
3. S-U-K
4. F-U-Vehicle

The Abomination

5. two-space hog
6. three-ton brick
7. pavement-hogging beast
8. big mofo
9. monstrosity
10. land yacht
11. heavyweight
12. gargantuan
13. behemoth
14. rolling horror
15. biggest choad on the road

The Assault Vehicle

16. urban tank
17. plastic tank
18. death machine

The Ego Machine

19. dick mobile
20. small-penis mobile
21. white trash rig

The Piece of Sh*t

22. sh*tbox
23. slab of sh*t
24. five-ton rolling brick of sh*t
25. giant steaming pile of sh*t
26. turdmobile

The Polluter

27. smog machine
28. planet killer
29. earth f*cker
30. earthraper
31. planet raper
32. pollute-o-car
33. chariot of greed
34. crime against nature
35. ultimate gas guzzler
36. gas-guzzling carbon-emitting oil-dragging monstrosity

The Uglymobile

37. ugly brick
38. ugly rubbish skip
49. ugly truck
40. gaudy heap of crap
41. unsightly hunk of sh*t
42. overrated Tonka toy
43. chrome-fanged monster
44. parody of a car

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38 Silly Nicknames for Major Hospitals

. . . I collected these terms in 1990 from an individual who worked as an IT expert for a company that provided computer software and support to major hospitals. (Some of these hospitals might not even exist anymore, and some of them may have changed their names, I don't know.) These terms were used only by the computer geeks at the software company and were never used in front of hospital personnel. A few of these terms are not all that silly, but some are quite derogatory, so before revealing any of them my informant insisted on anonymity. All the usual disclaimers apply.

Arizona
1. Flagstaff : Flagstaff Medical Center = Falstaff
2. Scottsdale : Scottsdale Memorial Hospital = Scuzzdale ("scuzzy" = dirty)

California
3. Berkeley : Alta Bates Hospital = Altered States
4. Chula Vista : Chula Vista Community Hospital = Chewy Gristle

Connecticut
5. Portland : Elmcrest Psychiatric Hospital = Phlegm Crest

Florida
6. Jacksonville : First Coast Medical Center = First Boast (or) Last Coast

Illinois
7. Oak Lawn : Christ Hospital = Cheese and Rice

Iowa
8. Fort Madison : Fort Madison Community Hospital = Fort Mad

Louisiana
9. New Orlean : Touro Infirmary = Toro (Spanish for bull; bull = nonsense)

Maine
10. Calais : Calais Regional Hospital = Callous

Maryland
11. Rockville : Psychiatric Institution of Montgomery County ("PIMC") = Pimick

Massachusetts
12. Falmouth : Falmouth Hospital = Foul Mouth
13. Pittsfield : Hillcrest Hospital = Smellcrest

Michigan
14. Alma : Gratiot Community Hospital (pronounced "GRASH-it") = Gray Shit
15. Flint : Hurley Medical Center = Hurling
16. Garden City : Garden City Osteopathic Hospital = Garbage City
17. Grand Rapids : Ferguson Hospital = Fergie
18. Lapeer : Lapeer Regional Hospital = Leper
19. Wyandot : Wyandot General Hospital = Whining Dot

Minnesota
20. Willmar : Rice Memorial Hospital = Rice-a-Roni
21. Austin : St. Olaf Hospital = Saint Loaf (or) Saint Oh Laugh

Missouri
22. Columbia : Ellis Fischel Cancer Center = Ellis Fiscal ("because they're cheap")
23. Kansas City : Research Medical Center = Research Dead
24. Smithville : Spelman Memorial Hospital = Smellman

New Jersey
25. Patterson : Barnert Memorial Hospital = Barn Fart

North Carolina
26. Edenton : Chowan Hospital = Chew-on
27. Greensboro : Moses H. Cone Memorial Hospital = Moses Conehead
28. Greenville : Pitt County Memorial Hospital = The Pit
29. Goldsboro : Wayne Memorial Hospital = Drain Memorial
30. Washington : Beaufort County Hospital = Bo Fart

Ohio
31. Zanesville : Good Samaritan Medical Center = Good Sam

Oregon
32. Ontario : Holy Rosary Medical Center = Holy Hosiery

Pennsylvania
33. Ambler : Horsham Hospital (pronounced "HOR-shum") = Horse-um (or) Horse Sh*t
34. Philadelphia : Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania ("HUP") = Hospital of Unusual Physicians (or) Hospital of Unusual Pharmacists (or) Hospital of Unwarranted Precedents

South Carolina
35. Charleston : Medical University of South Carolina ("MUSC") = Musk

Vermont
36. Colchester : Fanny Allen Hospital = Annie's Fallen (rhymes with "Allen")

West Virginia
37. Madison : Boone Memorial Hospital = Poon (from "poontang," a derogatory word for vulva; sex)

Saudi Arabia
38. Riyadh : King Faisal Specialist Hospital and Research Center = King Fizzle

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